Monday, November 1, 2010

Seriously, who smells like that?!

I've been doing a bit of research lately into different foods.  You see I've had a few bowel problems which is just ridiculous.  Can you believe it?!!  I'm 37 years old and I’m already being asked to scoop my shit up into a little cup.  I got those test results back which confirmed I had good quality poo amongst other things. 

In a few weeks I'm supposed to go and have a blood test for gluten intolerance and some other letters which have no real meaning to me.  I’m hoping I’m gluten intolerant.  I’ve never really been able to keep up with fashions and trends in the past, but I think I could be right up with this one.  How cool would it be to have to go to the special gluten free bakery and shop in hippy organic food stores.  And I’ve always wanted to be one of those annoying people who brings their own bread to cafes.  I’m so impressed the staff don’t just tell them to piss off!  I’m getting quite excited about the prospect of being diagnosed gluten intolerant, so I’m hoping it doesn’t turn out to have been just be some lame stomach bug.  My doctor also thought I may have had a rare hernia.  This is just getting too good.  Next I’ll need a hip replacement.

So anyway, I've been watching what I've been eating and taking note of any unusual occurences.  I've made some interesting discoveries.  Bread and pasta does in fact make me feel pretty crappy, tinned salmon and tuna makes my breath smell, hamburgers make me burp, onion leaves a horrible taste in my mouth, chocolate gives me pimples and wine gives me a hangover.  But I reckon the most annoying food issue I have by far is "asparagus wee".  It stinks.  Just one little nibble of asparagus and you would swear my insides have gone toxic.  Disgusting.

I'm reminded of this tonight as I sit at the other end of the house from the bathroom after having emptied a tin of air freshner to cancel out the asparagus wee smell.  Well, I'm assuming it's just that and not some rare kidney disease.  No doubt I'll be pissing in a little cup sometime soon and then we'll know for sure.


  1. OK here you go...I also have the same Asparagus "wee" problem and the smell drives me nuts so I just avoid it... Interesting reading below.

    "The good news is that asparagus does not affect everyone. Studies conducted on the "asparagus urine" phenomenon (aren't you glad you didn't volunteer!) indicate that roughly 40 to 50 percent of those tested developed the distinctive odor. Surprisingly enough, there is also a segment of the population who cannot smell the sulphurous fumes of asparagus-laced urine. It is believed that both the generation of the odoriferous urine and the ability to smell it are based on genetics. Only those with a certain gene can break down the chemicals inside the asparagus into their smelly components, and only those with the proper gene can smell the results of that chemical breakdown.

    Scientists are still not entirely sure which set of chemical compounds contained in asparagus actually cause the smelly pee. The stalks themselves do not acquire a similar odor as they are prepared, so whatever happens most likely happens after ingestion. Experts believe that those with a certain gene produce a digestive enzyme which breaks down the asparagus into various chemical compounds. One of those compounds is called methyl mercaptan, which is the same chemical which gives a skunk its defensive smell. One theory suggests that asparagus breaks down quickly in the body and an enzyme releases methyl mercaptan, which eventually goes through the kidneys and is excreted as a waste product in the urine."

  2. You dont want to gluten intolerant - you will end up discovering there are too many of your favourite pastries you cant eat ...and that would be terrible!! Lets hope its just some temporary stomach bug ...or it could be AGE!!

  3. I suggest as a prescriptive home medicine treatment a whole can (no, not the small ones, the ones the size they send on school camps)of Golden Circle beetroot. At least then your pee will be a pretty colour!

  4. I know we are two totally different people, so I'm basing this on age alone since we are less than a year apart.
    I am obsessed with the fiber content of food. A few years back, while at the grocery store, the very depressing thought hit me "when did I stop looking to see what the prizes in the cereal boxes were and start looking for their fiber content?"
    I have found that when my insides are acting strange (I'd worry that this would be TMI, but... you brought it up!) and I'm all stopped up, 99% of the time it's a fiber related issue.

    I hope you (&/or the Dr's) get it sorted, 'cause I know from personal experience... it's a really shitty situation. (pun fully intended)