In a few weeks I'm supposed to go and have a blood test for gluten intolerance and some other letters which have no real meaning to me. I’m hoping I’m gluten intolerant. I’ve never really been able to keep up with fashions and trends in the past, but I think I could be right up with this one. How cool would it be to have to go to the special gluten free bakery and shop in hippy organic food stores. And I’ve always wanted to be one of those annoying people who brings their own bread to cafes. I’m so impressed the staff don’t just tell them to piss off! I’m getting quite excited about the prospect of being diagnosed gluten intolerant, so I’m hoping it doesn’t turn out to have been just be some lame stomach bug. My doctor also thought I may have had a rare hernia. This is just getting too good. Next I’ll need a hip replacement.
So anyway, I've been watching what I've been eating and taking note of any unusual occurences. I've made some interesting discoveries. Bread and pasta does in fact make me feel pretty crappy, tinned salmon and tuna makes my breath smell, hamburgers make me burp, onion leaves a horrible taste in my mouth, chocolate gives me pimples and wine gives me a hangover. But I reckon the most annoying food issue I have by far is "asparagus wee". It stinks. Just one little nibble of asparagus and you would swear my insides have gone toxic. Disgusting.
I'm reminded of this tonight as I sit at the other end of the house from the bathroom after having emptied a tin of air freshner to cancel out the asparagus wee smell. Well, I'm assuming it's just that and not some rare kidney disease. No doubt I'll be pissing in a little cup sometime soon and then we'll know for sure.